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September 2005, Volume 13 Nr. 6, Issue 174

Bush Regime Rules of Acquisition and for Maintaining Power

Jozef Hand-Boniakowski

The science fiction television series, "Star Trek: Deep Space 9 (DS9)", provided many aphorisms for the show's alien for-profit species known as the Ferengi.  The Ferengi are intergalactic business people, traders, who adhere to profit above all else.  They follow a strict code, known as the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition in their quest to amass wealth,  I have rewritten the most complete set of Ferengi Rules of Acquisition in testimony of the current regime that is in power in the United States today.  While the original rules promoted Ferengi honesty and dignity, the Bush Regime Rules of Acquisition and for Maintaining Power, have evolved through intelligent design to be descriptive of the current administration that is occupying the White House.

In the DS9 episode, entitled "The Jem'Hadar" the Ferengi character, Quark, tells the head of the space station, Commander Benjamin Sisko,

You know, Commander, I think I've figured out why humans don't like Ferengi. The way I see it, humans used to be a lot like Ferengi: greedy, acquisitive, interested only in profit. We're a constant reminder of a part of your past you'd like to forget. But you're overlooking something. Humans used to be a lot worse than the Ferengi. Slavery, concentration camps... we have nothing in our past that approaches that kind of barbarism. You see? We're nothing like you. We're better.

If I had a choice between having Quark or George W. Bush as the head of the United States of America, I would choose Quark.  Quark, after all, was not born with a silver spoon in his mouth, nor into wealth larger than most U.S. worker's lifetime incomes.  Quark at least knows how to make a living.  

The Bush Regime Rules of Acquisition and for Maintaining Power are presented below in contrast to the original DS9 Ferengi Rules of Acquisition which can be found at DS9 is good science fiction.  The George W. Bush regime is bad reality.  Perhaps, in the near future, when the corruption and thuggery of the Bush regime is exposed, they will be driven from power.  Perhaps, the Bush Regime Rules of Acquisition and for Maintaining Power can be seen as a summary of why?

The Bush Regime Rules of Acquisition and for Maintaining Power

Rule 001

Once you take their oil, other natural resources, or cheap labor, you never give them back.

Rule 002 The best oil deal is the one that brings the most profit.
Rule 003 Never spend more for oil or land than you have to.
Rule 004 A politician telling the truth is like an Republican saying I made a mistake.  Do neither.
Rule 006 Never allow truth to stand in the way of making money or obtaining power.
Rule 007 Keep your mouth always open in order to cover your behind.
Rule 008 Small wars lead to perpetual war.
Rule 009 Controlling ballot boxes plus the Supreme Court equals the presidency.
Rule 010 Power is eternal.  Be eternal.
Rule 011 Even if it's free, you can always confiscate it anyway.
Rule 012 Anything worth doing is worth doing for maintaining power.
Rule 013 Anything worth doing is worth doing over and over again.
Rule 014 Keep your family close, keep your oil closer.
Rule 016 A treaty is a treaty (until it is no longer useful).
Rule 017 A treaty is a treat is a treaty - but only between consenting CEOs, countries can screw themselves.
Rule 018 A Republican without profit is no Republican at all.
Rule 019 Working class satisfaction is irrelevant.
Rule 020 Only give money to people you know you can bribe or steal from.
Rule 021 Never place anything before profit, not even Jesus Christ.
Rule 022 A wise man can feel war profit in the wind, and the wind always blows.
Rule 024 Wealth can't buy happiness, but you can sure have fun with the illusion while awaiting Armageddon.
Rule 025 There's always a way to make more money.
Rule 026 As the oil goes, so goes the empire.
Rule 027 There's nothing more dangerous than a Bill of Rights adherent.
Rule 028 Lie your way to success.
Rule 029 What's in it for me and my crime family?
Rule 031 Never make fun of a Capitalist's workers.  Insult something he cares about, instead.
Rule 033 Always suck up to anyone higher up in the chain of command.
Rule 034 War is good for business.  Export it often!
Rule 035 Peace is good for nothing.
Rule 037 If it's free, capitalize on it and never worry about ethics.
Rule 039 The people are temporary; profit made off of them is a birthright, until they die.  When they do, find others to exploit.
Rule 040 Let them shake your hand, but never your profit.
Rule 041 Greed is its own reward.
Rule 042 My oil is mine, and your oil is mine too.
Rule 044 Never confuse ethics with opportunity
Rule 045 Greed knows no conscience.
Rule 046 Make your fraud difficult to expose.
Rule 047 Don't trust anyone preaching the Sermon on the Mount.
Rule 048 The bigger the oil field, the greater the Shock and Awe.
Rule 049 All oil is worthy of stealing, or, at least, for overthrowing a foreign government.
Rule 050 Gratitude can bring on weakness.  Encourage it in others.
Rule 051 Reward everyone who adds to your profits then seize their assets.
Rule 052 Never make deals when you can steal instead.
Rule 057 Good Capitalists are as rare as new oil finds, exploit both.
Rule 058 There is no substitute for wealth.
Rule 059 Helping others without profit is worthless.
Rule 060 Keep your lies consistent, constant and repeat them often.
Rule 062 The riskier the war, the greater the profit.
Rule 065 Win or lose, there's always God on our side.  
Rule 068 Bribery will get you anything you want.
Rule 069 Republicans are not responsible for their own stupidity.  
Rule 072 Never trust anybody outside the owning class.
Rule 073 Send other's children to wars for oil, never send your own.
Rule 075 Home is where the heart is, but the love is where the oil is.
Rule 076 Every once in a while behave irrationally.  It confuses the hell out of the people.  If no one is around to do it, ask George W. to be himself.
Rule 077 Never swallow your pride, blame Clinton and ask Monica how it's done.
Rule 078 When the going gets tough, the tough do it illegally.
Rule 079 Beware of the calls for social justice.
Rule 082 The poor eat too much.  Do away with all nourishment entitlements and the greater the profit.  
Rule 084 A friend is not a friend if they reject wars of choice.
Rule 085 Never let the people know what you're thinking, even if you know how.
Rule 087 A foreign country in need means five times the profit potential.
Rule 089 Ask not what your children can do for your country, as what other's children can do for oil.
Rule 092 There are many ways to profit from a hurricane tragedy.
Rule 093 Act without delay! The truth may be catching up.
Rule 094 Females and Board Rooms don't mix.
Rule 095 Increase wealth or die.
Rule 096 For every law, there is a way of breaking it undetected.
Rule 097 Enough wealth... is never enough.
Rule 098 Anyone who is not with us can be eliminated.
Rule 099 Trust is a mistake.
Rule 100 If they take your threat seriously, ignore it and attack anyway.
Rule 101 The only value of ethics is to accuse opponents as not having any.
Rule 102 Life ends, but Power lasts forever.
Rule 103 Work can interfere with exercise, take a vacation often, preferably on a ranch in Texas that has no cows.
Rule 104 Faith moves nothing.  Don't tell the believers.
Rule 105 Don't trust anyone who is poor, or a minority.
Rule 106 There is no humanity in poverty.  Eliminate the poor. 
Rule 107 Responsibility is valid only if they catch you.
Rule 109 Dignity and an empty purse is worth the purse.
Rule 111 Treat people in your regime like family, exploit them ruthlessly.
Rule 112 Never have sex with a non-Capitalist.  It may spoil the gene pool.
Rule 113 Always have sex with Capitalists.  Inbreed!
Rule 115 The best contract can always be made null and void by decree.  Issue decrees often.
Rule 116 There's always an escape clause.
Rule 117 Everything is a commodity.  Sell everything and everyone. 
Rule 119 Always judge a friend by the size of their wallet, better still through their Swiss bank account records.
Rule 121 Everything is for the taking.  Take everything.
Rule 123 Even a blind man can recognize the smell of oil.  Have them look for it for you.
Rule 125 You can't invade countries if you're dead.  Stay alive.
Rule 126 Count the barrels.
Rule 127 Arm the world.  Incite war.  Always back the side with the oil.
Rule 135 Never trust a country with a nationalized oil industry.  Better still, invade them and liberate their oil.
Rule 139 Wives provide.  Keep them barefoot, cooking and pregnant.
Rule 141 Only fools play fair.
Rule 142 There's no such thing as International law.
Rule 143 Lying is part of the game.  Lie for all it's worth.
Rule 144 There's nothing wrong with sacrifice... as long as the working class does it.
Rule 146 War is the mother of profit.  Greed is the father.  The children inherit both.
Rule 152 A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know the truth.  The lie doesn't matter.  
Rule 153 Sell the image, not the person.
Rule 162 Especially in the worst of times, when many suffer, turn a profit off of the suffering.  
Rule 168 Kiss up as a way to success.  Better still, arrange your birth into a wealthy family.  
Rule 169 Responsibility and failure are mutually exclusive.
Rule 171 Blood is thicker than water, and oil is thicker than both.
Rule 172 Millions of dollars aren't what they used to be.  Acquire billions.
Rule 177 Know your own shortcomings and then cover them up.
Rule 181 Nothing can tarnish the shine of profit, not even murder.
Rule 188 A country and its oil is the best candidate for stealing both.  
Rule 189

Let others keep their ethics. You keep their money.

Rule 190

Hear only what you want others to hear.

Rule 191

A Republican doesn't hesitate to back a Republican president, even if he can't read, nor speak coherently.

Rule 192

Never cheat another Republican... unless you're sure you can get away with it.

Rule 194

It's always good politics to have dossiers ready about new partners before they walk in your door.  Better still, have dossiers on everyone.

Rule 200

If you're losing money, never admit it.

Rule 202

The justification for oil profit is profit.

Rule 203

Oil sheiks are like cesspools, they stink, but are easy to use.  

Rule 204

It takes a Republican to cheat a Republican.

Rule 208

The only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.  Have Scot McLellan give the answers.

Rule 211

Workers are the rungs on the ladder of success.  Don't hesitate to step on them.

Rule 214

Never begin a war on an empty stomach, nor with a country that can actually fight back.

Rule 216

Never gamble with a non-Swiss bank account.

Rule 217

You can't free a worker from their toil.  Why would you want to?

Rule 218

Always know what you're stealing.  And if you don't, steal it anyway.

Rule 219

Possession of oil fields is 11/10 of the law.

Rule 223

Beware of people who don't exploit.

Rule 229

Power lasts longer than lust.  Get aroused often.

Rule 231

There's a religious sucker born every minute; be sure you're the first to give them religion.

Rule 236

There is no shame in screwing up, only in admitting having screwed up.

Rule 239

Never be afraid to spin the truth.

Rule 241

Never trust a do-gooder.

Rule 242

More is best.   Having everything is better.

Rule 253

Alcohol is the lubricant of choice when watching football and eating pretzels..  

Rule 255

A smart wife is a contradiction; a smart accountant, a necessity.  Never have both be one and the same.

Rule 256

Blowing the job is less costly politically than getting a blow job.  Ask Clinton.

Rule 260

Politics is not fair.  How else would you run the world?

Rule 261

A religious man doesn't let facts get in the way of belief.

Rule 262

Giving one's word isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Rule 263

Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for oil.

Rule 265

Foreign countries should be tolerated... until their oil wells run dry.

Rule 266

When in doubt, do it anyway, or lie.

Rule 267

If you say a lie often enough, the people will believe the lie, and you will believe they believe you.

Rule 270

In making oil deals with countries, Shock and Awe can be very persuasive. 

Rule 277

Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from, but never worth dying for.  Hide!

Rule 284

Deep down, everyone's a Republican!

Rule 285

No good deed ever makes a lot of money.

Rule 286

When Condi is unavailable, ask Uncle Dick.  He can be found in an underground cave.

Rule 299

Whenever you exploit a nation, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it's easier to exploit them the next time. 

Rule 300 Make any rule up at any time to insure increased wealth and power!
2005 Jozef Hand-Boniakowski
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