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If
George Bush had encountered the same fate as Jim Carrey's character in
the movie Liar Liar, and had
been rendered incapable of lying, America would not have been subjected
to thirty minutes of manipulative propaganda on 9/15. Compelled to tell
the truth, Bush's oration would have captured the reality of the
situation in New Orleans, and of life for the poor and working class in
an America dominated by a wealthy aristocracy:
8:02
P.M. CDT
THE
PRESIDENT: Good evening. It is a
very good evening for me. I am still an obscenely wealthy and
powerful autocratic leader of a nation of sheeple who falsely believe
they are free. While I am surrounded by misery and suffering, I
make this presentation of shameless propaganda from a comfortable,
beautiful stage set while surrounded by an entourage of thugs who
assure my safety. I am speaking to you from what is left of the
city of New Orleans, a gem of an American city which was gutted by a
powerful force of nature, and by the insidious social experiment
undertaken by my malevolent administration. Millions of lives were
destroyed by a cruel and wasteful storm, and by a cruel and wasteful
federal government over which I zealously preside.
In
the aftermath of Katrina, the haves of this nation have gleefully
watched the have-nots dispersed to the four corners of this great
nation. As the victims search for loved ones and grieve for the dead,
America's attention is diverted from my nomination of a Supreme Court
Justice who will strengthen the tyranny I have created, Karl Rove's
criminal behavior, and my administration's numerous war crimes related
to Iraq. The lies and exaggerations of my media lap-dogs have persuaded
many Americans that blacks are undisciplined animals who live off of
government hand-outs, feeding my agenda to end social welfare programs
and perpetuating the lucrative prison-industrial complex. With
their persistent cries for civil rights, blacks have been a thorn in the
side of the American aristocracy long enough.
These
days of joy and elation for me and my base have been marred by acts of
courage and kindness by members of the Coast Guard, who rescued tens of
thousands of the undesirables in New Orleans. Rest assured that my
administration will deal with them accordingly.
I
have met first responders who performed their duties in spite of their
own suffering. Steve Scott of the Biloxi Fire Department aided in rescue
efforts despite having lost his house and car. For his obstruction of
the purge of undesirables, I will see to it that he loses more than just
his physical possessions.
Across
the Gulf Coast, the people whose suffering I facilitated are showing a
spirit and a faith in God which not even I could crush. However, there
is a powerful determination amongst corporations, contractors, and
entrepreneurs to take what is left of these battered areas and utilize
them for personal financial gain. Like me, they have no compassion or
humility. Our relentless bid for wealth and power will eventually break
the backs of the downtrodden.
To
the victims of the hurricane dispelled far and wide, I send you this
message. Many soft, weak people I call "liberals" care
about you. In contrast, my base of the obscenely wealthy and I are
relishing your misery. We are salivating at the opportunities to expand
our wealth by rebuilding your city with you out of our way. The Crescent
City will rise again, and as it does, so will the balances in our bank
accounts.
The
National Guard and our hired thugs from Blackwater have nearly completed
the task of quelling the New Orleans insurgency. Those thugs who were
stealing food to survive or staying in their homes to protect their
meager possessions have nearly been suppressed. Let the scenes of armed
militia battering down doors of private homes be a lesson to you other
potential dissidents across this great nation.
As
we have restored "law and order" to New Orleans and have
scattered the "evacuees" to the wind, we have taken care of
the truly important business. With that ma of worthless humanity out of
our way, we have resumed trade in the Port of New Orleans, restored the
flow of precious gasoline that ensures profits for me and my cronies in
the oil industry, and have repaired the levees to prepare for the
impending land grab by wealthy business owners.
What
I want you to believe is that our first commitment is to meet the
immediate needs of the refugees. To help convince you of my concern for
them, I have even started calling them evacuees rather than refugees.
However, the reality is that the aid the federal government is offering
to the evacuees is window dressing to maintain the facade that we still
live in a democracy that is "of the people, by the people, and
for the people". After days of inaction on my part, Karl Rove
reminded me that if we didn't throw the poor some scraps, we could be
looking at civil unrest and rioting across the nation. For assistance,
please call this number: 1-877-EAT CAKE.
To
ensure that Americans believe we are helping the evacuees, but more
importantly to start the rebuilding efforts, I have ordered $60 billion
in aid. My friends in Congress gave me their usual rubber stamp. Know
that this administration has been so generous with your tax dollars
because the money will be flowing into the pockets of our friends at
Shaw Contracting, Halliburton, and Bechtel National. I have ensured that
their profits will be further enhanced by suspending that vexatious
Davis-Bacon Act. Forget the damage caused by Katrina. The real tragedy
would be if my friends were obligated to pay America's working people
reasonable wages, thereby cutting into their disaster profiteering.
Our
second commitment, and our true agenda, is to rebuild the Gulf Coast. We
will not rest until Trent Lott and I are able to share a drink on the
front porch of his newly rebuilt home. Many of the 250,000 uninhabitable
homes in New Orleans will be bull-dozed to make way for developments to
benefit corporations and the wealthy. While we are orchestrating the
theft of their homes, we will implement programs to ensure that the
poor, black former denizens of New Orleans are permanently relocated to
slums and decaying urban cores of other major cities in the US.
The
federal government will be heavily involved in the rebuilding process. I
want my people to have ultimate authority to guarantee that my people
prosper from this calamity. Many of the same contractors who were
awarded large sums to rebuild the infrastructure in Iraq, and have
bilked America's taxpayers of billions of dollars, will get the same
opportunity here in New Orleans. We will see to it that the city of New
Orleans changes its zoning laws, to prevent the re-emergence of the
disgusting "jungles" populated by poor black
"animals" which existed before Katrina.
I
pledge a third commitment: The communities that we rebuild will be
better than those before the disaster. We have already eliminated the
persistent poverty and racial discrimination prevalent in this region by
evacuating the residents to various cities across the nation. Once this
region is rebuilt, there will be a multitude of new businesses,
including some token minority-owned businesses to pacify the black
community. When houses are rebuilt, most of the residents will be white
so they can own and not rent.
In
keeping with our emphasis on businesses and profit over humanity, I am
proposing a Gulf Opportunity Zone in areas touched by the disaster. This
program will further the interests of entrepreneurs and business people,
and move our nation closer to the raw capitalism that is so near and
dear to my heart. The Zone will grant loans and tax incentives to
business people so they can begin prospering again while the poor
continue to suffer. I want you to believe that entrepreneurship breaks
the cycle of poverty, but the reality is that without a reasonable
degree of government regulation, it perpetuates impoverishment by
keeping money in the hands of entrepreneurs who pay meager wages and
offer limited benefits to their employees.
I
am also proposing Worker Recovery Accounts to help evacuees find work.
This will provide accounts of up to $5000.00 from which evacuees can
draw for education, job training and child care as they search for work.
I want assurances that the poor who are receiving federal assistance are
not using the money to buy crack, and this program will weed out the
"trash" of our society.
The
Urban Homesteading Act, another of my programs I will submit for
automatic endorsement by a Congress which is dominated by members of my
wealthy base will take the property in the region which the federal
government will appropriate from its rightful owners and create a
lottery for low-income individuals. Lottery winners will receive a plot
of land on which they will be required to build a home. My friends
in the mortgage industry will reap the windfalls of providing the
financing. Those lottery winners whose credit is too weak to qualify for
a loan from my friends will have to rely on Habitat for Humanity to
build their homes. If that does not work out, Wal-Mart sells some very
affordable tents.
New
Orleans presents a unique challenge. It is a city built below sea
level. Now that we have expelled the scourges of humanity, my Army Corps
of Engineers will make the levees bigger and better. I will spare no
expense ensuring that my friends' investments are protected from future
Katrinas.
We
have witnessed armies of compassion as Americans have given generously
to mitigate the plight of the suffering in New Orleans and throughout
the Gulf Region. Because I remained on vacation and FEMA acted with
gross ineptitude, the burden to aid the storm victims initially
fell upon private charities, organizations like the Red Cross,
individual Americans, and religious organizations. This is
"compassionate conservatism" in action, and I am delighted to
see it working so well.
I
want you to know that my administration will capitalize upon this
disaster, much like we did with the 9/11 tragedy. I have already
apprised you of the $60 billion which will flow into the coffers of
companies with ties to members of my administration and their friends.
The financial windfall will be wonderful, but the true benefit lies in
the opportunity to expand our power. I realize that like the WTC
catastrophe, the cataclysm in New Orleans has left Americans feeling
fearful and insecure. We will prey on this trepidation to broaden
executive powers and sweep away the remaining semblance of a republic in
America.
America,
Big Brother is there for you. Above all, remember:
It
is now clear that a challenge on this scale requires greater federal
authority and a broader role for the armed forces---the institution of
our government most capable of massive logistical operations on a
moment's notice.
While
I realize that Americans expect a more effective response from the
federal government when a disaster of this magnitude happens, they need
to realize that under my New American Century, domestic programs like
FEMA have been rendered impotent. The military is the essence of our
government. The US military budget, including money for its ancillary
departments, is over $600 billion per year. This siphons money away from
domestic, humanitarian programs like emergency response, education, and
health care. But the good news is that the rich who have high stakes in entities
like the Carlyle Group get richer as a result. Besides, my delayed
and feeble response in New Orleans enabled the Gulf Region to rid itself
of many of its criminal, useless inhabitants.
Congress
is preparing an investigation of the situation in New Orleans. However,
the results will be similar to the probes into 9/11 and Abu Gharib. My
administration will see to it that no evidence of our culpability comes
to light, and if perpetrators are punished, they will be lower echelon
scapegoats.
The
trials in the Gulf Coast remind Americans of their strength, as they
struggle against the forces of nature, and against the corruption and
criminal acts of my administration. These challenges also remind them
that the poor and working class are bound together, and that despair
touches all of them. Meanwhile my rich friends and I raise glasses of
outrageously expensive champagne to toast the new opportunities for
enrichment and empowerment.
Because
my rich, sheltered existence makes it impossible to empathize, I cannot
tell you that I understand what you are feeling while you are sitting on
the porch where your home once stood or lying on a cot in an
over-crowded government internment center. I can say that I doubt that
you can imagine a bright future, but rest assured it will come for some
of us. My friends and I will prosper
at your expense.
Before
Katrina and I joined forces to destroy it, New Orleans had a custom for
funerals for jazz musicians. Following the funeral procession, a band
would play a sorrowful dirge. After the coffin was laid to rest, the
band would break into a joyful tune to celebrate the soul's victory over
death. No such joyous music will emerge from our new New Orleans. My
friends and I will erect a hollow, soulless shrine to the avarice and
excesses of capitalism. This I promise you.
Thank
you, and may God continue to bless the wealthy of America.
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